Dear Why Team member,
Have Faith! Whether you’re on a peak or in a valley, wisdom will resurface.
I remember riding my stationary bike one early morning, in the basement, in the dark - both literally and figuratively. My 16 year-long marriage had just ended and I could not have been more devastated. Everything I had worked so hard to build for so long was gone.
My parents divorced when I was 11 years old and my life was never the same. I ended up being estranged from my father for the next 33 years. I know this is largely why I didn’t get married until I was 35. And here I was, 16 years later, and my marriage had come to an end. After years of therapy, and effort, hearing the news from now my ex-wife, gave me the worst night of my life and only a few days later I was in my basement, riding my bike, hurting so terribly, emotionally, but doing the disciplines I knew I must do to help me through – and, it was during that particular moment, on my bike, in the basement, in the dark, that I received light. I heard an inner voice of encouragement, it makes me cry to write this - I was in a fight for my life, and I was receiving support. But from where?
Now, I’m a Christian, and I have my belief, but no matter where you are on your walk, there is wisdom within you. For the first time, I experienced what it meant to love yourself. I was receiving loving support and encouragement from within. When encountered, it’s hard not to call it Holy Spirit. Wisdom was resurfacing, all the reading, coaching, mentoring, had prepared me for this moment. Maybe a part of me knew this moment would come. And to own my part in the ending of my marriage, I landed on some wisdom from Anthony Demello. He said we can’t love someone we’re afraid of losing. In some deep, profound way, I needed to be lost to be found. And on that bike, in the dark, I experienced profound encouragement, love, and support - from within. There was a part of me, and it resides with me today, that said, Steve, we got this, we can do this, we will survive, and we will thrive. We will learn and we will love, we will grow, and we will give. You are not alone.
And you see, deep down, that was my fear - as it is for every child, the fear of abandonment - at age 11, when my parents divorced, I felt profoundly alone for the first time in my life. I know my strong independence was birthed from a feeling I can’t count on anyone else - even the people I felt who loved me the most. It set me up for early worldly success in my life because for me, it was life or death. But with the help of coaches and mentors - who absolutely made it possible for my marriage to work as well as it did for 16 years - and produce 3 amazing children - the day did finally come when the marriage came to an end - and my life came to a new beginning.
Viktor Frankl points out in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, “If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering… In some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.”
Despite the incredible pain and suffering, I knew deep down that this was a defining moment of my life, there were lessons I needed to learn that only this adversity, uniquely, could teach me. And when I felt that love from within - I’ll never forget it- I literately asked myself, from where is this love and encouragement coming?
This is among my favorites: Nothing Is Wasted
The wisdom we acquire through experience, study, reading, and writing - is with us, it is within us. We are wiser today than we were yesterday - just for the experiences we’ve had since. Another favorite of mine, and an axiom by which I live, is from Ben Franklin: “Pour your purse into yourself, it is the wisest investment you can make.” Think about that for a moment, the wisest investment we can make is not in real estate or stocks, but to invest in ourselves. There has been no greater dividend paid into my life than from the investments I have made in myself - to learn, to grow, to understand. And it is my experience that the spirit will bring to our remembrance what is already there, what we have poured into ourselves - and it will resurface when we need it most.
Why does wisdom resurface?
Because it is there to support us and the more we pour it into our lives the more of it will resurface to serve our lives and the ones we love. And here’s the wonderful irony, it’s only when we need it most that we will receive it and appreciate it the most. We don’t know how strong we are, until strong is our only option. Therefore, would not our most difficult challenges become our greatest blessings? How are we to come to know what is within if we do not fully face that which is from without? This is the very idea that called me to mountain climbing. When my climbing guide said there is learning that only adventure can teach us, I was hooked. And is not life an adventure?
None of us know what is around the corner - but my experience has been, where there is a will there is a way, there is an inner wisdom that will arise, a wisdom I wish to experience, and to share, that only a full-on life will produce, a ‘yes’ life, to whatever may arise. Not just an acceptance of the hardship, but rather a love for it. A grape vines roots go deeper in a drought and thus produce a finer wine. To sculpt marble, the sculptor must hit the chisel with his hammer a hundred times before the unwanted rock is broken off. This begs the question, which hit was necessary to remove the unwanted rock - were not all of them?!
Are we open to be sculpted and chiseled into something more - more beneficial to ourselves and to others?!
Whatever hardship you might be currently enduring, notice the inner wisdom that is arising within you to serve you - lean on the remembrance of all you’ve learned. Keep pouring more into yourself to have even more to access. Notice how life is bringing you new perspectives and more wisdom. If you’re not in a storm, we all know one is certainly coming - so let us be more prepared for the tests that will lead to our testimony. We learn, learn, learn, and then, we get the test. And that test informs and forms us and becomes our testimony for others. Invite it all, learn and grow through it all, know that wisdom is within you and it will rise to serve you - and so amazing is the experience, the fear of adversity is abated - it can even be welcomed, to live and grow all the more.
May this insight empower you even more to Revive and Thrive in ‘25
Make it a great week!
Steve Luckenbach