Why Triggers
Comfort dulls our edge; struggle keeps our spirit sharp and hungry for growth
Dear Why Team member,
I hope you find this week’s message triggering.
Recently, a faithful member and reader of the Why Team Weekly asked me about triggers, why I use them and how.
It’s possible the word “trigger” itself has triggered you in some way. Words are so powerful and using them wisely, for ourselves and others, is paramount to living an optimal life. The first agreement from the book The Four Agreements, which I highly recommend, is to be impeccable with your word. No words impact us more than the words we speak; they’re the words we hear most often, spoken closest to our own ears.
We’ve talked in the past about how thoughts become words, and words become actions. Thoughts appear in our heads; we materialize them when we speak them. Hence, we are empowered—or weakened most—by our own spoken words. Put another way, we can be triggered not only by the words we hear but also by the words we speak—for good or for ill.
Isn’t it interesting the words we think and speak when someone has triggered us?
Let’s pause for a moment to reflect on the commonly understood definition of “triggered”—directly from ChatGPT:
To be triggered means to experience a strong emotional or physical reaction—often sudden and intense—because something has reminded us of a past trauma, distressing experience, or deeply sensitive issue.
There are two primary approaches to addressing the triggers we experience in life. The first—and often most popular—approach, especially among young people today, is to make our triggers someone else’s responsibility. Many today even expect others to tell them in advance if they are about to do or say something that could trigger them—to give them an opportunity to move to a safe place, for example. Another book, high on my recommendation list, is titled The Coddling of the American Mind.
No doubt recommending this book tells you how I feel about the codependent approach to addressing our triggers.
“Codependency is when we become dependent on an external state to achieve an internal state.” —Dr. Curt Spear
The second approach to addressing our triggers can lead us to our Best Life Ever. It begins the moment we take full responsibility for our own behavior—no matter the trigger or its source.
People may metaphorically pull our trigger, but we must be responsible for what comes out of our barrel.
We all have trauma; almost all of us get triggered. To own our triggers—seeking understanding of their origin—is to gain understanding and compassion, both for ourselves and for others.
The ancient Stoics focused on the growth potential found in life’s difficulties so much so, they went beyond accepting it—to actually wanting it, and even inviting it.
The opportunity is to grow through, not just go through, our difficulties.
“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”
—Friedrich Nietzsche
It’s said that the worst thing you can do to a lion is feed it. Lions are built to hunt and are fed best by the food they earn. Comfort can kill both the spirit and our growth.
The wind strengthens the tree.
Almost no one asks for character building experiences. For example, most everyone knows there is great value in being humble, but almost no one asks to be humiliated. Yet our greatest life lessons often come from big hits to our ego.
Less ego, more realness, more vulnerability. Our egos are necessary and helpful, but they can lead to more and more self focus. Nothing can serve us like a good trigger to take us down a notch and remove a wall or two.
Since being triggered is a thing - how about we don’t run from triggers - let’s depend less on people and circumstances to line up the way we want for us to be okay - let’s hunt and kill our own food—speaking metaphorically, of course—inviting adversity to grow us up and out of our unsuccessful attempts to protect ourselves from unaddressed issues.
How about we run toward—not away from—what we fear, to become more fearless: drawing our swords and facing our dragons? Because as we all know, beneath the dragon is where we find the gold—our Best Life Ever.
How may we have triggers, without triggers having us?
Let’s consider turning the tables, and creating some triggers of our own, to optimize our life in the moment, the only moment we ever live: NOW. Let’s keep wiring and rewiring the synapses in our minds to take off in the directions we desire, rather than in the directions that scare and limit us. How may we in the moment of a trigger, regain perspective, and choose an alternative path? How may we notice more the ‘why’ of our triggers, empowering ourselves to give ourselves, and others, compassion in the moment, born from understanding - and then rock it to good?
I highly recommend hiring a life coach, a therapist, to help gain that deeper understanding your triggers are inviting you to explore.
And be empowered to create your own. Consider leveraging acronyms to tap quickly into your core philosophies and daily mantras—aligned with your “Why”.
I use the following acronyms daily to keep me on track—and to get me back on track—should I get bumped off. I will shine more light on these in upcoming blogs.
BDE : BEST DAY EVER
ICBW: IT COULD BE WORSE
TWB: TOGETHER WE’RE BETTER
FTO: FOR THE ONE
EAMT: EXPECT A MIRACLE TODAY
We may not ask for character-building experiences, but life will certainly give them to us. With a bit of humility and the desire to grow, we’ll become more and more—for ourselves and for others.
Make it a great week!
Steve Luckenbach