Why The Gap & The Gain
Celebrate the Steps, Not Just the Summit
Dear Why Team member,
I hope this week’s message finds you well and celebrating your gains.
I just began listening to the audio version of Dan Sullivan’s book, The Gap and The Gain. This book has inspired this week’s message. [Recommended Reading List]
When we set a goal for ourselves, we create a gap between where we are and where we want to be. This simply makes sense, but if we are not careful, what we tell ourselves about the gap can profoundly impact our ability to achieve the goal, and even if we achieve the goal, our experience bridging that gap can impact our ability to enjoy it.
Dan Sullivan of Strategic Coach Inc. noticed among his clients, who despite having achieved worldly success, often experienced an emptiness. The rates of depression are actually higher for the over achiever. Could the work be a form of self-medication? Of course, anything taken to an extreme can have a numbing effect. I often share from stage something I heard many years ago, that most over achievers aren’t running to something but rather from something. For example, it’s common for children from divorced parents to be financially successful - Why?
Often, it’s to find the stability they didn’t have at home. When unable to count on the adults in their life - it can lead to a desire to get out and get on your own, self-sufficient enough to get the stability we want and fulfill the self-worth we need.
While certainly there are many motivators in life, the question we might ask ourselves is how are those old fulfilled and unfulfilled motivators serving us now? Do we need to stoke our childhood fears of abandonment, for example, to get up early and work hard? This is where asking the ‘why’ question can be particularly powerful.
When Dan Sullivan heard a client demean his incredible accomplishments because he wasn’t yet where he wanted to be, it really caught Dan off guard. Here he is, working with some of the most successful people in the country, and most of them are unhappy, dissatisfied, because they have not yet reached the horizon. He often uses the horizon to convey the impossible objectives many of these people make, while the horizon can provide a guiding light, it cannot be reached. Setting unrealistic goals is not helpful.
I have written and spoken on the importance of celebrating our steps. My journey to the Summit of Kilimanjaro was certainly difficult, but I noticed that it was much more difficult for some in our group. It was as if the destination was all that mattered to them - and with that attitude the journey was diminished, and more painful, it was just in the way.
So many today will not even start a thick book because they fear they may not finish it - no matter how great the book. We have become so outcome focused, culturally, we have diminished the importance of joy in the process. The most significant thing I have learned from all my mountain climbs is how far you can go just one step at a time. And how enjoying those steps have increased my probability of success.
What occurred to Dan Sullivan from working with all those successful yet dissatisfied clients, is what he calls: The Gap & The Gain.
This concept is one of the secret insights that has helped his clients and driven his coaching revenue to over 25 million a year. His discovery was that the gap is more likely to close when we focus more on the small, everyday gain. While we will never reach the horizon, the more we measure our success looking backward, measuring how far we have come, rather than just forward, constantly frustrated in not yet hitting the horizon, we not only prevent burnout, but we come to really enjoy our lives and work.
Of course, we may have more that we want to achieve, and goal setting is both important and powerful. But if we are not regularly celebrating how far we have come, then we are missing out on this amazing journey that is our life.
We are all on a journey that really doesn’t end until we die, and the man who loves the steps will journey farther than the man who loves the destination.
I recommend you get Dan’s book, The Gap and The Gain. He provides valuable insights on how to reprogram our mind to a much more powerful and rewarding mindset.
Yes, there is a gap, there will always be a gap, between here and where we would like to be. But here is where we live, here is where we experience our life, and to regularly reflect on how far we have come, the tremendous gain despite all obstacles, is not only a source of inspiration from our own past, it’s an invitation to enjoy this present moment.
We live to do, we do a lot, but the more we can just be, be present for the life we have, and for the loved ones we love, the more our being will fuel all our doing.
A human-doing is doing to be.
A human-being is being to do.
Which are you and why?
To Revive and Thrive in ‘25, consider The Gap & The Gain - and through this awareness receive more peace and encouragement to live your
BEST LIFE EVER!
Make it a great week!
Steve Luckenbach
Great read!