Why Openness Changes Everything
Before the World Taught Us to Fear
Dear Why Team member,
I hope this week’s message finds you well and open to growth.
I have many touchstone quotes and aphorisms that help me navigate my life. But there is one in particular I share early in every speech—an opportunity for oneness, a moment of equality, a brutal truth that opens us all, including myself, to the message we are about to receive:
“We have met the enemy, and he is us.”
How much of our life is preoccupied with the enemy outside of us—and how little we attend to the enemy within. Perhaps that outward focus is the primary culprit?
If you have heard me speak, you know that I am quick to focus on our minds and how they function as our primary limiter to what is possible. There is the hardware, and then there is the software, the software being our responsibility to program and reprogram.
Our own minds are much more a priority than what’s going on in the minds of others—no doubt the other-focus is a helpful excuse to avoid the inner work.
Why attend to our own programming?
As children, we were open vessels—much was poured into us by our caregivers, our culture, and our circumstances. We all developed personalities—armor, protection, beliefs—through these experiences. And we did so with the ignorance of a child. Now, as adults, we have a responsibility to address those parts of us that limit us and our ability to be more for ourselves and others.
It makes sense that the fears and terrors of childhood would be carried into adulthood. We know the havoc a trigger can have on ourselves and others. The childish approach is to just avoid the trigger—to hide, bury, and deny it.
The adult approach is responsibility.
Developing an ability to respond more effectively to the very thoughts and emotions that terrify us. This is arguably the hardest work of our life. We all approach this work differently, and it makes sense that we would use all available tools to distract, deny, and avoid. Until the day, we are blessed with having to face what we fear to face.
I experienced abandonment as a child.
I was estranged from my father for 33 years; from age 11 to age 44. The fears this experience produced had far more impact on my life than I imagined at the time. Fortunately, with the help of professionals, mentors, coaches, and my own coming to adulthood, leveraging the question “why?”, I came to some profound understandings that saved my life.
During my early adulting years, I coped in the world with a singular focus to be successful, as the world defines it. I learned it was largely driven by a fear of being a loser—which is how I defined my father. The world gave evidence to my assumption; he lost his wife, he lost his children. Unfortunately, that was my opinion of him before our reconciliation. There is a line I have shared from stage for over 20 years:
“Most overachievers aren’t running toward something—they’re running from something.”
It is our responsibility to face our dragons—the inner monsters that guard the precious gold of life.
When we slay the lies that limit, we access that gold; our Best Life Ever.
A great way to find the dragons is to ask: am I responding—or reacting—to what life is offering me in this moment?
I share my journey often as an invitation to others to explore their own. We all have stories of survival. And we have all developed both helpful and hurtful coping strategies. Thus the trigger can be a gift for the adult, who is seeking to become more responsible, to inquire, to understand, and to grow. It was from this work that I came to reconcile with my father 18 years ago. An absolute game changer for me—and for him.
Before I turned 11, I was always in a tree.
I stopped climbing at age 11, maybe because I discovered life can hurt. It wasn’t until 41 years later at age 52 that I began climbing again; mountains, rock faces, glaciers, and even Kilimanjaro. But the greatest adventure of my life has been the one within. There is so much to discover about ourselves when we have the courage to go deep—and in so doing, we can gain a fearlessness, and a peace we cannot have imagined.
Of course, this internal journey can last a lifetime, and does not require the financial expense of travel. However, if you can afford it, the outward adventures can help you reveal to yourself an incredible inward landscape. Facing our outward fears—whether locally or abroad—can help reveal the inward fears that are calling for our attention.
Moving toward, rather than away, from what we fear, can bring incredible self-awareness—opening doors to incredible possibility.
These weekly blogs are an outward expression of a significant inward journey that has never failed to illuminate and fascinate me.
Byron Katie asks,
“Who would we be without our story?”
I am no longer easily triggered, but when I am, I now see them more as an invitation to look within for the why, rather than without for a reason. I enjoy getting after any lies that limit—such as peace being dependent on circumstances or another’s behavior.
Timeless Peace is Ever Present
If the truth can end our life as we “know it,” then it’s best to let that way of living end.
We need not protect ourselves from the truth. Lies require avoidance and protection—the truth can end them—and set us free.
If there is anything you are afraid to face, you can bet your greatest growth can be found there. You need not do it alone, consider seeking out professional help. For those who help us open doors of freedom, their value is priceless.
This week and beyond, live open.
Open to growth.
Open to truth.
Open to what you’d rather avoid.
Because what we avoid… often holds the key.
The door we hesitate to open may be the very one that leads to our Best Life Ever.
Let’s step toward it.
With less fear and more curiosity—knowing the primary obstruction to our Best Life Ever is not outside of us, but within.
Make it a great week,
Steve Luckenbach
Yes.