WHY ME
The Storm Is Not the Story
Dear Why Team member,
I hope this week’s message finds you well.
This week, we consider the most powerful Why question we can ask: Why Me?
What comes to mind for you when you ask, “Why Me?”
Your answer in this moment depends on your current attitude, doesn’t it?
If, in this moment, you are fired up and feel in control of your life, your response will more likely be: “Why me? Why not me? I have purpose and meaning—bring on the adversity; it only serves to grow me.” However, if you’re suffering through something difficult, there may be a bit of self-pity: “Why me? Why did this happen to me? Woe is me.” And if we’re not careful, we begin looking outside ourselves for blame, rather than within ourselves for insight.
This is a recurring theme for the Why Team because our experience of life is largely dependent on our attitude—and our attitude can either limit us or develop us into more for ourselves and others.
As children—consciously or unconsciously—“Why Me?” rises as: Who am I? Why do I matter?
As adults, we can get so caught up in the “doings” of life that we are rarely present to the “being” of life; thus, over time, we may find ourselves only asking “Why Me?” — when we are in the fetal position, when all our propped-up systems for living fail, when we are met with the significant unexpected, “Why me?” can bring us to the depths of despair. Remember how a couple of weeks ago we talked about how between Hell No and Hell Yes, there’s just Hell? Continuing to ask, “Why me?” and doing nothing about it will keep us in that Hell.
I have learned from Byron Katie’s work and had the opportunity to hear and meet her in person. An insight of hers that stood out to me is, “Nothing is Wasted.”
Her attitude toward life, that everything is happening for us, rather than to us, has been absolute rocket fuel for my perspective on life. With this insight, maybe the most empowered answer to “Why Me?” is that “It’s for me.”
Would we not be best served by owning whatever arises and converting it to good, rather than adopting a victim mindset and blaming circumstance and/or others? Yes, it will require lucidity and will, sometimes lots of it; yet the accepting, welcoming attitude toward all that arises in our life can make life a great and exciting adventure rather than a terrifying path that ultimately ends in death.
The “Why Not Me!” attitude calls us to see what the adversity has for us rather than having a hyper-focus on what the adversity is doing to us. How might adversity be preparing and fueling our very own Why for others?
Many years ago, I remember speaking to a good friend who had been a member of his local Optimist Club for 15 years. He said it took him a long period of practicing optimism before he started to notice how his new mindset was automatically responding to adversity. Just recently he and his wife had to take their son to the hospital for some stomach issues, and on the way, he said to his wife, “Let’s consider five reasons to be grateful.”
Of course, a comment like this during high anxiety would catch most people off guard—especially amid their fears and resistance to what is—but this is the point, isn’t it? To question our habits of thought - do they serve us or limit us? There were of course points of gratitude: that the condition wasn’t worse, that the hospital was one of the best in the country and nearby, that they had friends to watch their other kids and so on.
It’s difficult to remember that the sun is still shining behind the clouds—but doesn’t it serve us to remember this in the midst of the storm?
Of course, there are times in life where just showing up is the most we can do - but if we are regularly practicing an attitude of gratitude for all things - we may be even more fortified for when life throws us a particularly difficult curveball.
The grinding stone sharpens the axe. How might the gift of the grind be sharpening us to live more connected and better able to serve others?
Those with the largest egos feel most alone. When we fill ourselves with ourselves, we push others out. However, when life reminds us that we are not fully in control of circumstances, we’re given an opportunity to connect more deeply with ourselves and others. During one of my darkest days, I had the awesome realization that I was connecting and experiencing a universal human experience that had been experienced by millions of people over the past millennia. Is it not those moments of being completely humbled that best connects us with each other?
When you find yourself asking “Why Me?,” consider responding “Why not me?.” Whatever life brings you, can be worked for good - if only to empower you to truly empathize with others who are going through similar adversities.
For 2026 to be our Best Year Ever, let’s refortify our attitude toward life: no matter what may come to pass, our strength in all circumstances is our power of choice: to embrace and grow with the mindset of a victor, or to reject and blame from the mindset of a victim.
One breeds life and the other death.
Let’s live more than ever with an attitude of gratitude for all things. Own it all—so you can work it all for good. Nothing is wasted by those who live, “Why Not Me.”
Make it a great week!
Steve Luckenbach