Why Make Peace with Uncertainty
Possibilities Emerge From the Unknown
Dear Why Team member,
I hope this week’s message finds you well and at peace.
I remember reading years ago one of G.K. Chesterton’s full of wisdom writings - where he observed the peace of the poet and the hell of the analytic. The poet was at peace with not knowing, receiving all the beauty of life without need for explanation. Whereas the analytic is often seeking certainty of understanding.
Adversity reveals a preferred pattern of the human mind - that of seeking knowledge and understanding.
As we have heard, knowledge is power, and with increased knowledge, we do gain increased power to make better decisions. While this just makes sense, it may be helpful to observe our relationship with the unknown, our relationship with uncertainty.
It is said that the core fear of all fears is the fear of death – and, certainly, uncertainty can seem to be a great threat to our life. It is certain we will die, but it is uncertain when and how it will happen.
It can be uncomfortable for us to even read these words: we all will die.
A feeling of certainty, however, gives us a feeling of control. So, it’s natural that we humans would seek certainty.
But how much of life is uncertain?
A great deal of life is uncertain, to be very uncomfortable with uncertainty is to be very uncomfortable with life. The brutal truth is that tomorrow is promised to no one. How might we develop a more peaceful relationship with the perceived threat of uncertainty?
A Present Practice!
There is nothing like a greater focus on the present moment to reduce the fear and anxiety of past and future thinking. To just take in the present moment, the chair on which we sit, the feeling of our clothing on our skin, the sound of the birds, the light reflecting off objects in our field of vision. The taste of drink or food.
When we return to the present moment, we might realize the “return”. Why the return? Because we were somewhere else - either in the past or in the future. While the past is largely known, it cannot be changed, and this can lead to wishful thinking that we ‘could have’ or ‘should have’ behaved differently. We forget that outcomes cannot define the quality of a choice because we didn’t know the outcome when we made the choice. What seems so obvious in hindsight can cause us to feel that we ‘should have’ known better but, the reality is that at that moment, we didn’t know better, or we didn’t remember to apply a lesson we had learned in the past. Maybe the best way to respond to these feelings is simply ‘Live and Learn’ directing our attention away from the cloud in search for a silver lining. You could argue that not all clouds have a silver lining, but what harm is there in seeking it? How may I learn from this difficult experience so that I may be more of a blessing to myself and others?!
Making what good we can from the pain of the past does not make the pain good - but it is very empowering to do our best to work that pain to good. Live and Learn!
But, how about that unknown, uncertain, future. Can we sit still / comfortably in the “unknowing”?
The saying goes that the know-it-all rarely learns-at-all. It’s impossible to learn what we think we already know.
Can we live more peacefully with uncertainty?
How about curiosity as a more open-to-learning approach? Is not curiosity an admission of not knowing? It seems to me a more optimal way of living is to become more comfortable with uncertainty, not knowing, even curious and excited for what’s to come. And how much more fun when the truth is revealed - it’s less likely to conflict with our comforting conclusions if we have made less of them.
If uncertainty is particularly uncomfortable for you, notice your habits of thought that jump to what we believe to be comforting conclusions.
I’m reminded of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:
Word Impeccable
Nothing Personal
No Assumptions
Do Your Best
Let’s consider #3: No Assumptions
We, humans, are a ‘jump to conclusions’ species. It has certainly preserved us to jump to worse case scenarios. Our forefathers who assumed the noise in the tall grass was a lion and climbed a tree, well, they were the ones who survived to have offspring - and thus pass on the trait.
You could easily propose that natural selection saved more of those who assumed the worst. So, it is within us, naturally, to jump to negative conclusions.
But a life certain a car crash is forthcoming is a life experiencing more car crashes. Once we establish a belief, our vision is directed to its confirmation. Never mind if the probability is low, it’s within the realm of possibility, so, I’ll just assume the worst, so I’m not surprised when it happens?!
We’ve talked in the past how thoughts become words and especially when we focus on something negative, they can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How might we make better trades with our priceless attention. Would not an increased peace with uncertainty relax us more to experience the beauty that abounds around us? We could simply drop the need to know and just be as present as we can be in this moment, leaning into all our five senses, here, now.
I’m an advocate for planning, I’m an advocate for insurance, but once in place, I prefer to live as fully as possible in the only place I have ever truly lived: in the here, in the now. Our life-time is the time we are alive and that has only ever been experienced in the present moment.
All that distracts us from the present distracts us from our life-time.
The past can certainly bring perspective, and we all have wonderful memories on which to reflect, but those lessons already learned from difficulty, come from a class from which we already graduated - why go back if it does not serve? And no matter what happened in the past, it does not have to define our future, unless we want it to.
Pains in the past are poor evidence for certain pain in the future.
And the fear of uncertainty is a fast track for diminishing one’s life in the present.
How may we be more present with this incredible life we’re living?
The Past: Live & Learn
The Future: Peace with Uncertainty
The Present: Best Day Ever
Why Best Day Ever?
Because today is the only day ever - the only day in which we get to live!!
Become more curious and less furious.
Become more fascinated and less fearful.
Life is more interesting and fascinating because of uncertainty. And remember, all our possibilities emerge from the unknown; some so incredible there are those who call them miracles.
You have a plethora of skills and abilities that have carried you through the uncertainty of life your entire life. And they remain with you still. In fact, you are now more capable than you have ever been. Live not in trepidation, but rather in fascination. Your BEST LIFE is NOW!
Make it a great week!
Steve Luckenbach