Why Live AMOR FATI

The Power of Loving Fate: A Growth Mindset

Dear Why Team member,

I hope this week’s message finds you well and enjoying your BEST LIFE EVER.

At this writing, I am sitting in a quiet lobby hoping my scheduled appointment arrives before I must leave.  Grateful for the wonderful opportunity for reflection that has inspired me to write this message.

I live in Cincinnati, Ohio and awoke earlier than usual to make it to this morning appointment in Bloomington, IN 2.5 hours away.  I shortened my meditation to 10 minutes, still got in 20 minutes on my stationary bike, made extra coffee, packed for an overnight and left determined to arrive on time. I started a new audio book enroute and was proud to arrive at my appointment right on schedule.  However, the man I was supposed to meet, was not there.

Earlier in my career, when stood up for an appointment, it would bother me terribly.  Now, after many years of experience and collected wisdom, I apply absolutely no negative emotion to this outcome.

Why?

Because outcome does not define the quality of a choice.  It was completely reasonable to assume he would be on time.  The appointment had been booked and even a reminder was provided.  I met my responsibility, he failed to meet his, or there was a miss communication, or an accident… who knows?  What I do know, is that an opportunity has opened for me to be productive in another way - such as reflecting and writing on this experience.

Consider living AMOR FATI, Latin for a love of fate.  Not just an acceptance of fate, but a love of it. 

A few weeks ago, I wrote on why to welcome the unexpected for how it can give us the gift of consciousness.  When the unexpected arrives, we gain self-awareness and situational awareness. 

Do we habitually start whining from a place of victimhood or start mining the silver lining around the so-called cloud that has suddenly blocked out our sunny disposition?  Could we develop more habitual interest in what the unexpected outcome could teach us about ourselves? 

Of course! 

This is an invitation to living more the Growth Mindset shared by Carol Dweck in her book ‘Mindset’.  Carol describes the Growth mindset as one of Live and Learn.

A LIVE & LEARN MINDSET is absolute ROCKET FUEL FOR LIFE!!

“An outcome does not define the quality of a choice because
the outcome is not available to us when we make the choice.”

(Read this as often as necessary if it helps to sink it in)

Consider getting rid of the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary.  It often implies that you ‘should’ have made a better decision in the past - but how could you have made that decision without knowing the outcome you now possess?  While ‘should’ could mean something different for you, I have seen countless suffering of those who now have the 20/20 vision of hindsight believe they ‘should’ have made a better choice in the past. 

Of course, with hindsight I could ‘should on myself’ about this individual’s lack of attendance to our planned meeting OR I could welcome this LIVE & LEARN experience; asking what can I learn from this experience rather than berating myself, for example, that I ‘should’ have known better.

Now, more than ever, I am noticing the attitudes I choose to live.  To become more in ‘24, I’ve discovered a calling to make better trades with my precious priceless attention - paying my attention more to the learning and discerning no matter the outcomes.  I live as best I can a disciplined and responsible life aligned with my highest values - and while this way of living increases the probability of favorable outcomes it in no way guarantees them.  I am still at the mercy of fate - and even the worse can happen to the so-called best of us.

So, when outcomes arrive contrary to your expectation - what will you do with them? Reject or Embrace?

Go easy on yourself if you get upset - it is absolutely okay to feel the pain of unmet expectations. Mourn the death of loved ones and even the death of the plans you love and have nurtured.  This is not about not being human - it’s rather an invitation and reminder of the power we have to take control of our thoughts and make better trades with them.  And maybe the best place to start developing the muscle, is in the smaller unmet expectations like arriving on time to a meeting where you are alone to meet with only your thoughts about what should and should not be occurring.  I for one, am grateful he did not show up, it has given me this wonderful opportunity for reflection - and to write this blog that will hopefully serve you.  Thank you for being a member.  

I hope that my weekly sharing assists you on your journey to be all the more for yourself and others.

Make it a great week - no matter the circumstances ;-)

AMOR FATI !!

Steve Luckenbach