Dear Why Team member,
I hope this week’s message finds you well, encouraged and excited for this new BEST DAY EVER!!
At this writing, I am on a flight home from Arizona after three reenergizing speeches, one in Tucson and two in Scottsdale.
I couldn’t be more grateful to my friends David and Brandon for having me out to speak for their friends and business partners.
No two speeches are the same because no two audiences are the same. While one may feel over the top another may feel too over the top :-)
I remember Christmas time of 2006 when I was just beginning my professional speaking career. I was with my mother in the car to go pick up a gift when I shared my excitement about teaching people what I had learned - out of her motherly love, she responded, “Honey, it’s actually arrogant to think you can teach anyone anything”.
Wow! Thanks Mom :-)
But she went on to share the powerful insight that when the student is ready, the teacher is provided.
Now, after giving over 700 speeches the past 17 years - her reminder of this wisdom has never failed to serve me. This does not mean I make excuses for the quality of my speeches but rather that I remember the horse must choose to drink - even after you have brought it to the water. And frankly, that is how it optimally works. No one wants to be force-fed anything. We are either open to learn or the timing isn’t right. And every audience is a mix.
For many years now it has been my practice to consider the audience of “one”. As the attendees leave after my speech I very much enjoy the interactions - if more than one express gratitude for the insights, then it’s icing on the cake - it’s the one who says to me “I am so glad I came today” or “I needed to hear that” or “I took pages of notes”. If only one, I feel the time well invested. We all know how a small pebble dropped into a pond can send ripples far and wide.
Be encouraged no matter your work to serve - remember that others are going through their own trials and tribulations - timing is everything!
In the coming weeks, I plan to feature more books and the inspiration they provide me. A classic best seller I read many years ago hit me so profoundly I thought it wise to just keep reading it over and over. The book is titled “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz - and I endeavor to think on those agreements every morning of my life.
Here are the 4 Agreements in my minimalist easy to remember format:
WORD IMPECCABLE
NOTHING PERSONAL
MAKE NO ASSUMPTIONS
DO YOUR BEST
If all we did was to DO OUR BEST to reflect on these 4 Agreements daily - our life experience will absolutely improve.
How do I know?
Because I have experienced their power - there is hardly a day that I don’t remind myself of these Four Agreements.
Let’s begin with
#1) WORD IMPECCABLE
So much of our emotional pain and suffering comes from speaking words that are not entirely true - such as the common behavior of exaggerating.
The truth matters and is not up for manipulation. Make a small habit of it and it will be a big habit when it serves you. The ground under you will then become unstable. In the beginning there was the “word”. Your word creates - it matters - be careful.
#2) NOTHING PERSONAL
Now this is a tough one. Because we experience everything from our perspective, we can come to believe everything is about us. Of course that is what the two year old thinks – unfortunately, so many of us haven’t grown out of that old habit.
The ancient text invites us to love our enemies.
Why? Maybe because they really are not our enemies but rather enemies to themselves projecting their fears on those around them.
Anais Nin reminds us that we don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are. Not taking things personally will set you more free than you can imagine. What another person thinks of us is none of our business ;-)
#3) NO ASSUMPTIONS
Of course how often do we take things personally AND make assumptions?
I will always remember a scene from the movie The Bad News Bears when the coach Walter Matthau wrote out for the kids on a white board how when you assume you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me” :-).
It’s human nature to make assumptions and therefore so important to remind ourselves that we don’t know for sure. The brain is wired for protection, it will often assume the worse, not the best. For example people love to play “Devil’s Advocate” which is to ask “what’s the worst thing that can happen?”
No one plays “Angel’s Advocate” a contrary idea I created years ago - which is to ask “What’s the best thing that can happen?”
Teacher Byron Katie invites us to get at our assumptions with two questions:
Is it true?
Can you know with absolute certainty that it is true?
If you cannot answer yes to both questions it is the thought more than the reality(which is not 100% known) that is hurting you. Remember, we much more often jump to negative conclusions than positive conclusions.
#4) DO YOUR BEST
And finally doing our best is all we can do - attending to things no one else will see because you do your best. What you do with small things you will likely do with big things. I make my bed every morning whether anyone else will see it and I attend to it like a sacred ritual - grateful for the bed and for the rest it provides me. This may sound crazy to you but it’s in doing new things that we discover new ways to live more powerfully, gratefully.
Breaking any of these four agreements will not improve your life but rather diminish it. Why would you do that?
Grab a copy of the book, listen to the audio, even if you heard or read it years ago. It is through better choices that we live a better life - for ourselves and everyone we seek to serve.
This week and beyond, may the
Four Agreements fuel your
BEST LIFE EVER!
Make it a great week!
Steve Luckenbach