Why Courage
The Room Within
Dear Why Team member,
I hope this week’s message finds you well and living courageously.
For the past few years, my primary speech title has been Live Your Best Life Ever. While the title has remained the same, the message has evolved as I have evolved. To begin our time together, I ask the audience to applaud if they want to live their best life ever. The response has yet to be one of silence, and I doubt it ever will be, as just about everyone I have ever encountered wants to live their best life ever.
I then convey the importance of courage - that to live our best life ever, it will require courage: the courage to acknowledge our primary obstacle. I then ask, “what, or rather who, do you believe is the primary obstacle to you living your Best Life Ever?”
I can’t imagine a more powerful and important opening to my speech.
We collectively think about our objective, we acknowledge our primary obstruction, and then we discuss how to get beyond the obstruction - how to enter and experience our Best Life Ever.
Who is the primary obstruction?
Hopefully, you have the humility to acknowledge that it is you. I understand how tempting it is to blame another person, a group of people, or our circumstances. But deep down, it is important that we know, that we are our own worst enemy.
We have met the enemy, and he is us.
Our best life ever must include us owning, more than ever, how we think about any and all circumstances in which we find ourselves. The bigger the ego, the greater the likelihood we will blame others or our circumstances. Mistakes hurt self esteem, denial and blame are handy tools to protect our self-esteem. This is why humility is so very important. When we accept our imperfections, we have not only the grace we need for ourselves, but we also have grace for others. I find it interesting that those with the most insecurities tend to have the biggest egos. I love the definition of humility as not thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less.
The know-it-all rarely learns at all.
How beautiful and how powerful is the acknowledgement that even though I may know much, I can never know it all.
Years ago, I read an incredible book about the correspondence between John Adams and Thomas Jefferson in the last days of their lives. They were the last two survivors of all those who had signed the Declaration of Independence and incredibly, they both died the same day, and on the 4th of July, 1826. Both gentlemen were prolific readers with huge libraries, and I’ll never forget what John Adams conveyed in a letter to Jefferson; he said, “The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know.”
So, I believe it requires a lifetime of humility to fuel a lifetime of learning.
To recognize that we are the primary obstruction to our best life is actually good news - because we are responsible for our own lives. If we were dependent on others to change, or circumstances to change, in order to live our best life, that would often leave us feeling hopeless.
When we awaken to the freedom we have to choose our own thoughts about anyone or any circumstance - thoughts guided by humility and empathy - when we awaken to the power of perspective, and choice, we can experience our Best Life Ever.
Albert Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking that created them.” This just stands to reason. As creatures of habit, it’s our habits of thought that create our primary obstruction to our Best Life. Most of us are familiar with the old saying, “If you think what you’ve always thought, you will get what you’ve always got.”
So how do we live our best life?
Think Differently!
Of course, this is much easier said than done. To shift thinking may require inviting a hit to self-esteem, self-image, to our identity itself - to acknowledge that we have opinions and beliefs that may be wrong.
I take solace in believing that truth wins no matter how much it is attacked or denied - that truth does not need defending, but rather it is the lies we must defend. Lies are always threatened by the truth, but the truth is never threatened by lies. It doesn’t matter how many people believe a lie is true - it still doesn’t make it true. And this is really only a problem for those who need others to believe as they do to be okay.
I enjoy challenging my thoughts and ideas. I love to learn, and that requires me to acknowledge my ignorance. The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know - and that is exciting to me. I love adventure, and it begins every morning I wake up.
Why Courage?
There is no courage without fear. And one of our greatest fears is that we’re wrong - that we’ve made a mistake. But, how helpful would it be for us to know that making a mistake does not mean we are a mistake? How helpful is it to know that we will absolutely drop the ball, screw up, make mistakes - and that none of it has to hit our self image?
Well, it depends on that image.
When we stop expecting perfection from ourselves, we will stop expecting it from others. When we truly learn to love and forgive ourselves, we will have love and forgiveness for others. When we own our own worldview, we will be on a courageous adventure to improve it.
Gandhi said it beautifully: “Be the change you want to see.”
Anais Nin said, “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.”
If we are to see a more beautiful world, we must become more beautiful. All relationships are a reflection of the one we have with ourselves. This is why every trigger we experience is happening for us, and not to us. The trigger tells us more about ourselves than about others. I truly believe we choose in our relationships those who will grow us the most - those who will trigger us the most. The hard work - the courage - is to grow and not to leave. Of course, there are many reasons why ending some relationships may be wise, but running from the mirror that reflects what we need to see, is not one of them.
“When faced with a situation we cannot change, we are forced to change ourselves.” - Viktor Frankl (Holocaust Survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning)
Why Courage?
Because our Best Life Ever is on the other side of our hurdles in life, not someone else’s. Let’s challenge our thoughts; let’s think of ourselves less, and more on why we even exist. Let’s step into serving, mission, vision, and purpose. Let’s allow our egos to take a hit so that we can be all the more emotionally available to others and to those we love. Let’s rest in truth, knowing lies will eventually be brought to light. Let’s attend more to how we show up in the world, remembering that what others think about us is none of our business. And let’s create an incredible environment for those around us, experiencing us living our Best Life Ever - courageous, humble, and most importantly, grateful.
The examined life is more worth living.
I commend your courage as a Why Team member, to challenge yourself, to work on yourself, to think about what you think about - and to become more - for yourself and others.
Make it a great week!
Steve Luckenbach